February 20, 2015

Yeah...so it's been awhile.  :)

Not that I haven't been working on my health, but it's been a different kind of health focus.  I found out in the middle of January that my asthma was out of control...Being that sick really took it's mental, physical, and emotional toll.  I'm not saying I didn't work on my health, but most of my work went into breathing...

Now, however, I'm back and breathing.  And I want to share with you one of the birthday gifts I received:  a bracelet that says "Live in the moment".  It reminds me of a necklace I have which says "Be Present".

I have spent so much of my life worrying about the mistakes I have made or trying not to make mistakes down the road...I feel like I've missed so many moments because of this.  As I've taken the time to slow down, one of the awesome effects is seeing things that I would never have before.  And it's helping me to get to know myself, my environment, and my friends/family so much better.

I am so grateful for the moments of my life.

January 29, 2015

So I have been sick for the past week.  I do not like being sick and am absolutely terrible at taking care of myself in the middle of being sick.  I've been trying to evaluate why that is, and I think it comes down to fatigue.  In the absence of energy, old habits reign, and my old habits tell me to eat poorly.

At the same time, I am coming to the realization that the way I eat affects my allergies and how my body feels.  It's quite remarkable how intricate our body's interactions are...I am often amazed at how God created us.

So the 2 things I have processed while typing the first paragraphs are:
1.  I need to find a way to be mentally strong when I am not feeling physically strong.  I need to find ways to set myself up for success.
2.  I am consistently amazed at God's creation outside of myself, but I continue to struggle with that same sense of awe when viewing myself.  I have allowed a disconnect to exist, and I'm ready to break through and make those connections.

January 27, 2015

I have been struggling the past couple days. My focus has been trying to find Jesus in the middle of the struggle. I'm still learning how to turn to him in those moments.

I'm glad life is a learning process - redefining successes and redeeming failed attempts, right?  Old habits are hard to break. 

January 24, 2015

One of the things I am working on is cooking. It is difficult to cook for one. Or at least to find the motivation to cook for myself.

I am pretty excited to say that I cooked for own dinner tonight. Yes, it was just chicken tacos, but I did it nonetheless. 

And they were good!

January 23, 2015

Today has not been my favorite day...for many different reasons.

I saw the movie American Sniper last night.  One of the things that struck me as I have processed the movie is that I do not have a job - or even a hobby - that I am truly passionate about.  The closest "thing" I could come up with was how much I love the family I have chosen.

There is something disheartening about not feeling passionately about anything.  As a 36-year-old, I thought I would have more accomplished in life.  To not have achieved what I thought I would - or even should - has taken some getting used to...I have even had to grieve the loss of some of my expectations.  For the most part, I have let things go, but there are moments - like today - when the absence of some of these things is overwhelming.

So, today I am overwhelmed.  I am overwhelmed by being 36 and single.  I am overwhelmed by not having a career I am passionate about.  I am overwhelmed that I have so much more work to do to become healthy in all areas of my life.  I am overwhelmed by feeling lonely - even though I'm not alone.

I have true faith and understanding that I am a work in progress and that God is here.  There is hope and joy in that statement...even in the midst of overwhelming.

Today I cling to that hope and joy.

January 21, 2015

I have been struggling with what to write today...much like I struggled putting on socks this morning.  After 4 days of bare toes, the temperature dipped a smidge.  (My toes are revolting by constantly twitching.)

For me, however, those socks are a lot like the way I view how I eat.  Sometimes, they feel warm and comfortable; other times they feel restrictive and claustrophobic.  Sometimes they feel healthy and helpful; other times they feel distracting and challenging.  But the truth is, I will always have to eat...and at some point, I will always need socks.

How do I change the lifelong mental habit of feeling like how I eat is "dieting" (focused on what I can't have and what is wrong with me)?  How do I look at how I eat as a diet (a plethora of choices that are good for me)?  How do I allow the feelings of a good fit to not morph into feelings of claustrophobia?

I don't know all the answers right now, and that is tough.  I struggle with not knowing where I am going.  What I do know, however, is that I am focusing today on what I can have...even while I'm wearing socks.

Don't even get me started on clothes.  (Leggings are NOT pants!)  :)

January 20, 2015

So many thoughts today...

First, I can't believe that I'm still blogging after a week.  (Even though it's much easier to do almost daily than to remember to do it weekly.)

Second, I had a boat-load of water again today.  I'm really enjoying how it makes me feel.

And now for the crux of today's blog...Job.

I have one of those bibles that helps me read the bible in a year.  I have read through the bible before, but I wanted to do it again this year to continue my trend of doing things that are healthy for me.

Anyways, last night, I started the book of Job.  I tend to struggle with Job - not because God allowed Satan to touch him and not because he lost everything.  No, I tend to struggle through the book of Job because of his friends.  (I struggle with how they talk at him for a good portion of time.)

This got me thinking last night about how grateful I am for my friends.  I have developed a network (over the past 10 years especially) of wonderful women who champion me, even when I'm not fighting for myself.  These friends are a constant support - and a constant reminder that God loves me, for they regularly show me the love of Christ.

There will be days that I cannot do this - be healthy, live to the fullest, etc. - but I know I am not alone in life.  I know that I have love and support...And it will no longer be I that has to do life...

We will do life together.

Thank you, friends.

January 19, 2015

I have been wearing sandals for the past 3 days...in Nebraska...in January.  There is something seriously wrong with this picture, but if it's not going to snow or be cold, then at least I should get to wear sandals, right?

Anyways, I got a pedicure on Saturday.  My life has been over-scheduled the past 2 weeks, and I needed to do something for myself...so I grabbed an hour and did something for me.  

It's amazing how taking care of myself can look different each day.  I am still working on how I eat to honor God, but I am just tapping into the realization that it will take so much more than just healthy food to take care of my physical body.  On Saturday, that came in the form of a moment's rest...and a foot massage.

Today, I am enjoying the cleansing effects of water.  It is not yet 2 o'clock, and I have already had 96 oz. of water.  This is not normal for me, but it is keeping me refreshed and alert.  (I'm sure I will need an afternoon kick at some point, though.)

I am looking forward to continuing to evaluate my body's needs in conjunction with my mind and my heart.  

January 16, 2015

Today was a much better day - emotionally.  I think my emotions allowed me to make conscious choices and not to react to situations.

The trouble with today is that I was not spiritually engaged in my physical health.  I am learning that this is going to be the biggest connection for me to make.  I am not sure how to consistently make that connection, but know that I am working towards that.

It made me think of this verse, 1 Corinthians 10:31, and I figured I was on a roll with The Message, so I would keep on rolling...

"So eat your meals heartily, not worrying about what others say about you - you're eating to God's glory, after all, not to please them.  As a matter of fact, do everything that way, heartily and freely to God's glory."

How amazing is it that my current struggle and life lesson is written about in the Bible.  I'm so thankful that God cared enough about me to include it!

January 15, 2015

I have a bad attitude today...a baditude, if you will...(Seriously, that horrible joke is helping me get through the day, though!)

I am struggling with my frustration level today.  I am also craving sweets today.  I have no idea if they are connected, but they sure feel that way.  It is not making me question my faith or why I am doing this, but I am having to work hard at focusing on how I want to live my life.  This is so much more difficult to do when I am mentally/emotionally exhausted - which I feel right now.  

Even writing this down is helping me to let go of some of the angst I have been holding on to...I am not perfect, nor do I think I can attain perfection.

I like how The Message translates Philippians 3:12-14:

"I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made.  But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me.  Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward - to Jesus.  I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back."

That is how I want to live my life...and so that is my focus today.

January 14, 2015

In one month, I turn 37. I've decided that this last month of 36 should be fun.

I am still relishing the freedom of taking care of myself to honor God. It is so weird to think of my body as a gift, but that doesn't change the fact that it is. I like that Truth. 

Today was a good day. The hardest part of today was not having time to pick up the dinner I had planned. Being flexible is not easy for me in terms of food. Usually change meant failure. But not today. Change meant doing my best to choose the best option for me given my limited resources. So while I wasn't perfect tonight, I still worked to honor God with my heart and actions. 

There is grace in this process, thank goodness. I am so joyfully humbled. 

January 13, 2015

Day 1...A most intimidating day...

Learning how to honor God with how I take care of myself seems overwhelming...So I have to start somewhere.  

Here I am.  I am not perfect - nor do I strive to be.  I want to embrace God's love for me and express his love for others.  Part of embracing God's love for me personally is acknowledging that God not only created my body - He loves it, as well.  

God loves me.  He loves my body. 

I want my response to that love to be taking care of this gift he's given me.  It's not going to be easy...I have almost 37 years of inner thoughts and habits to break through.  But I can do it - with God's help.

And so I begin...