February 20, 2015

Yeah...so it's been awhile.  :)

Not that I haven't been working on my health, but it's been a different kind of health focus.  I found out in the middle of January that my asthma was out of control...Being that sick really took it's mental, physical, and emotional toll.  I'm not saying I didn't work on my health, but most of my work went into breathing...

Now, however, I'm back and breathing.  And I want to share with you one of the birthday gifts I received:  a bracelet that says "Live in the moment".  It reminds me of a necklace I have which says "Be Present".

I have spent so much of my life worrying about the mistakes I have made or trying not to make mistakes down the road...I feel like I've missed so many moments because of this.  As I've taken the time to slow down, one of the awesome effects is seeing things that I would never have before.  And it's helping me to get to know myself, my environment, and my friends/family so much better.

I am so grateful for the moments of my life.

January 29, 2015

So I have been sick for the past week.  I do not like being sick and am absolutely terrible at taking care of myself in the middle of being sick.  I've been trying to evaluate why that is, and I think it comes down to fatigue.  In the absence of energy, old habits reign, and my old habits tell me to eat poorly.

At the same time, I am coming to the realization that the way I eat affects my allergies and how my body feels.  It's quite remarkable how intricate our body's interactions are...I am often amazed at how God created us.

So the 2 things I have processed while typing the first paragraphs are:
1.  I need to find a way to be mentally strong when I am not feeling physically strong.  I need to find ways to set myself up for success.
2.  I am consistently amazed at God's creation outside of myself, but I continue to struggle with that same sense of awe when viewing myself.  I have allowed a disconnect to exist, and I'm ready to break through and make those connections.

January 27, 2015

I have been struggling the past couple days. My focus has been trying to find Jesus in the middle of the struggle. I'm still learning how to turn to him in those moments.

I'm glad life is a learning process - redefining successes and redeeming failed attempts, right?  Old habits are hard to break. 

January 24, 2015

One of the things I am working on is cooking. It is difficult to cook for one. Or at least to find the motivation to cook for myself.

I am pretty excited to say that I cooked for own dinner tonight. Yes, it was just chicken tacos, but I did it nonetheless. 

And they were good!

January 23, 2015

Today has not been my favorite day...for many different reasons.

I saw the movie American Sniper last night.  One of the things that struck me as I have processed the movie is that I do not have a job - or even a hobby - that I am truly passionate about.  The closest "thing" I could come up with was how much I love the family I have chosen.

There is something disheartening about not feeling passionately about anything.  As a 36-year-old, I thought I would have more accomplished in life.  To not have achieved what I thought I would - or even should - has taken some getting used to...I have even had to grieve the loss of some of my expectations.  For the most part, I have let things go, but there are moments - like today - when the absence of some of these things is overwhelming.

So, today I am overwhelmed.  I am overwhelmed by being 36 and single.  I am overwhelmed by not having a career I am passionate about.  I am overwhelmed that I have so much more work to do to become healthy in all areas of my life.  I am overwhelmed by feeling lonely - even though I'm not alone.

I have true faith and understanding that I am a work in progress and that God is here.  There is hope and joy in that statement...even in the midst of overwhelming.

Today I cling to that hope and joy.

January 21, 2015

I have been struggling with what to write today...much like I struggled putting on socks this morning.  After 4 days of bare toes, the temperature dipped a smidge.  (My toes are revolting by constantly twitching.)

For me, however, those socks are a lot like the way I view how I eat.  Sometimes, they feel warm and comfortable; other times they feel restrictive and claustrophobic.  Sometimes they feel healthy and helpful; other times they feel distracting and challenging.  But the truth is, I will always have to eat...and at some point, I will always need socks.

How do I change the lifelong mental habit of feeling like how I eat is "dieting" (focused on what I can't have and what is wrong with me)?  How do I look at how I eat as a diet (a plethora of choices that are good for me)?  How do I allow the feelings of a good fit to not morph into feelings of claustrophobia?

I don't know all the answers right now, and that is tough.  I struggle with not knowing where I am going.  What I do know, however, is that I am focusing today on what I can have...even while I'm wearing socks.

Don't even get me started on clothes.  (Leggings are NOT pants!)  :)

January 20, 2015

So many thoughts today...

First, I can't believe that I'm still blogging after a week.  (Even though it's much easier to do almost daily than to remember to do it weekly.)

Second, I had a boat-load of water again today.  I'm really enjoying how it makes me feel.

And now for the crux of today's blog...Job.

I have one of those bibles that helps me read the bible in a year.  I have read through the bible before, but I wanted to do it again this year to continue my trend of doing things that are healthy for me.

Anyways, last night, I started the book of Job.  I tend to struggle with Job - not because God allowed Satan to touch him and not because he lost everything.  No, I tend to struggle through the book of Job because of his friends.  (I struggle with how they talk at him for a good portion of time.)

This got me thinking last night about how grateful I am for my friends.  I have developed a network (over the past 10 years especially) of wonderful women who champion me, even when I'm not fighting for myself.  These friends are a constant support - and a constant reminder that God loves me, for they regularly show me the love of Christ.

There will be days that I cannot do this - be healthy, live to the fullest, etc. - but I know I am not alone in life.  I know that I have love and support...And it will no longer be I that has to do life...

We will do life together.

Thank you, friends.