January 23, 2015

Today has not been my favorite day...for many different reasons.

I saw the movie American Sniper last night.  One of the things that struck me as I have processed the movie is that I do not have a job - or even a hobby - that I am truly passionate about.  The closest "thing" I could come up with was how much I love the family I have chosen.

There is something disheartening about not feeling passionately about anything.  As a 36-year-old, I thought I would have more accomplished in life.  To not have achieved what I thought I would - or even should - has taken some getting used to...I have even had to grieve the loss of some of my expectations.  For the most part, I have let things go, but there are moments - like today - when the absence of some of these things is overwhelming.

So, today I am overwhelmed.  I am overwhelmed by being 36 and single.  I am overwhelmed by not having a career I am passionate about.  I am overwhelmed that I have so much more work to do to become healthy in all areas of my life.  I am overwhelmed by feeling lonely - even though I'm not alone.

I have true faith and understanding that I am a work in progress and that God is here.  There is hope and joy in that statement...even in the midst of overwhelming.

Today I cling to that hope and joy.